to rise and to fall
by SerpentineShadows
Summary: He taught her happiness, and in turn, she gave him his heart. But then it all fell apart. AU


**A/N:** Dedicated to **itsbasicallyjamie**. Why? 'Cause I felt like it after reading her review. And hopefully, this serves as motivation for her story?

**Warning:** OOCness and Romance Fail.

* * *

A creaky floorboard alerts Carmine of an intruder. She opens one eye and looks to the door. It's still closed. As she slips her right hand under her pillow, she closes her eyes and relaxes her muscles. If she listens hard enough, she can hear feather-light footsteps approaching her room.

The door opens. The intruder is inside now. He or she is close enough that Carmine can hear heavy breathing. Carmine's right hand tightens around the hilt of her hidden dagger as the ragged breaths draw near.

"Erza," a soft voice whispers.

Just hearing _that_ name turns her blood to ice; everyone she knows (that's alive) thinks her name is Carmine except for _him_. Which means, _he's_ the intruder. Carmine's hand trembles as she leaps out of the bed, drawing her dagger from the sheath. When she sees him, the blade falls out of her hand. Her instincts are to pick up the dagger and stab the man in front of her, but she can't bring herself to do that.

Jellal Fernandes looks worse than Carmine's ever seen. Streaks of blood and dirt are mixed in his shaggy blue hair. His sunken eyes look glossy and unfocused. Under all the dirt, Jellal's skin looks pale and sickly. His haggard appearance is completed by the poor state of his clothes.

"What happened to you?" Carmine whispers, resisting the urge to rush to his side.

Jellal smiles weakly at Carmine. "A lot."

Something within Carmine hurts when she looks at Jellal; the impenetrable walls that separated "Erza" and "Carmine" start to break.

* * *

"Hey, what's your name?"

Erza looks up. She sees a blue-haired boy and a bright, bright smile. If she matched it to a color, it would be yellow. Like the sun. The boy starts to frown when Erza doesn't respond. Erza decides the smile looks the best on his face. Still, she doesn't say anything.

"Oh, you want me to introduce myself first? I'm Jellal Fernandes."

Erza's mother would laugh at the boy. Erza thinks maybe she should do the same, but looking at the boy's face, she can't seem to do it.

"Erza," she says instead.

"That's a pretty name!"

His smile is back. Erza wants that blinding smile to stay forever.

It's the first time she's ever wanted anything.

* * *

Carmine can hear the shower running. It's a waste of water, really. She shouldn't be giving up her most precious resource to Jellal. She does it anyway, telling herself it's because she's not going to sink to the same level as those who'd betray their friends.

It's not the truth.

If she really thought that, she'd be a hypocrite.

Long ago, Carmine had pushed away anyone she could call a friend. Now, everyone she knows is an acquaintance. Except for Jellal. He doesn't count though. He's always been special.

* * *

"Hi, I'm Jellal Fernandes."

Erza knows this is a bad idea. In fact, judging by the way her mother is looking at Jellal, it's more than a bad idea. Erza really wishes Jellal would get the hint, but he just keeps grinning at Erza's mother. As if they're _equals_.

Instead of laughing, Erza's mother turns away from Jellal.

Erza's old enough now to know that means she thinks he's scum.

* * *

"Erza."

Carmine ignores him. She doesn't answer to that name anymore.

"_Erza_."

Anger bubbles within her chest. How _dare_ he barge into her home? How _dare_ he act as if things were normal between them? How _dare_ he call her name like he used to?

"Don't call me that," she snaps at him, voice low.

"Then what should I call you?"

Carmine slams her palms against the ground. It stings, but she ignores the pain. She spins around to face Jellal.

"What do you want from me?" she screams.

"I needed help, and I thought that you would help me. I was right."

And then he _smiles_.

It's been a long time since Er—_Carmine_ has seen that smile; no, it's been a long time since Carmine has seen anyone smile.

"Thank you, Erza."

Carmine ignores the warm feeling replacing her anger.

* * *

When Erza screams, Jellal comes running. He sees what Erza saw, and horror appears on his face. Erza starts to think she doesn't like that, but then Jellal grabs her wrist and starts dragging her away.

That's when Erza hears the dogs barking. She turns around to see them and nearly trips over her own feet. The dogs look scary, and they growl at her and Jellal. Erza runs faster and passes Jellal. When she looks back again, the dogs are chasing them.

Erza yells for Jellal to run faster, and he does. Jellal passes by her but never strays too far away from her. Erza knows he can run faster than that, so she runs and runs until her chest and legs burn.

It's still not fast enough.

* * *

"Call me Carmine."

Her tone is steely, giving him no room to argue. He does anyway.

"Why? Erza sounds so much prettier."

Carmine just sighs and continues sharpening her dagger.

* * *

Erza's separated from Jellal.

She thought the dogs would tear them apart, like they did to her mother. Instead, these weird adults come and take them away.

Erza wonders if she'll ever see her village again.

* * *

Jellal says he wants to stay for the night. Carmine leaves her dagger out in plain view as she climbs into bed. She watches with one eye as Jellal lays on the ground. Carmine knows how uncomfortable it is. She shouldn't care, but she throws him one of her blankets.

In the morning, Carmine wakes to Jellal standing over her.

"You didn't kill me," she says.

"Should I have?"

He smiles at her. It's not genuine. She can tell the difference.

"Maybe."

Jellal hums and moves away from her. Carmine climbs out of bed and walks to her old dresser.

The dagger isn't where she left it last night.

* * *

Erza doesn't know how much time passes, but she gets to see Jellal again.

She runs to hug him, but he doesn't react. Confused, she lets go of him. A smile stretches across his face, but it's not the usual one. This one reminds Erza of her mother.

It leaves a bad taste in her mouth.

Before Erza can ask what's wrong, they are dragged apart.

Unlike Erza, he makes no attempt to struggle out of the guard's grip.

* * *

After several nights, Carmine wonders when Jellal will leave.

She hasn't spent so much time with someone else in what seems like forever. It's awkward. Their conversations are choppy, their speech unpracticed. Carmine remembers a time when she laughed easily with Jellal. It seems so long ago.

Carmine wonders if Jellal thinks about it, too. He probably doesn't.

She thinks more about what he wants with her. Jellal looks much better now; he has no more need of her help.

Sometimes, Carmine sees Jellal eyeing her dagger. It uneases her, but she doesn't hide the dagger under her pillow like she used to. In a way, Carmine still trusts Jellal. It's up to him to not break that trust again.

It doesn't change the fact that she wants him to leave though.

* * *

Guards lead Erza away from her room. She wonders where they're going. It's the second time she's been allowed outside.

One cell she passes by interests her. Through the glass wall, she sees an old man that reminds her of a toad. Erza can hear his scratchy voice.

"Call me 'Nadal-sama'!"

The old man cracks a whip. Erza flinches even though he can't hurt her through the wall. She feels bad for the person in the room with the old man. It's then that she sees blue hair, and she presses her face against the wall. It's Jellal. Erza hits the glass, trying to draw Nadal's attention away from Jellal.

The guards drag her away from Jellal's room. They hold onto her tightly as they direct her through the halls.

It turns out that they want Erza to meet the leader of the place.

She returns to her room with her head down.

* * *

Jellal keeps calling Carmine "Erza." She tries to get him to stop, but he doesn't.

It bothers her, especially when she can feel the other, more _emotional_ part of her react to the name. And it makes sense that there'd be a reaction; that part of her is the one she calls "Erza" after all.

Carmine thinks Jellal notices that she's not who she once was.

She also thinks Jellal knows "Erza" is still somewhere inside her, and that's why he calls her that all the time.

* * *

Erza worries for Jellal a lot.

She saw him again in the halls. He walked with his head lowered, and to Erza, it looked like he was crying. But when Jellal raised his head, he had that eerie smile on his face again.

Erza also notices how the guards whisper amongst themselves. She eavesdrops and manages to hear pieces of their conversation. One part stands out the most: "Jellal...ready for plan soon."

Erza hopes nothing bad happens to Jellal.

* * *

"Hey, Erza."

Carmine glances up from polishing her dagger.

"Don't you ever feel lonely?"

She examines Jellal's expression. He looks thoughtful, not at all manipulative; but then, if manipulative people seemed deceitful, they wouldn't really trick anyone.

"Well?" he prompts.

"No, not really. I mean, you're here."

Carmine doesn't realize the meaning behind her words until Jellal smiles. It's a genuine one, the one that _Erza_ misses.

She decides to let Jellal keep those words.

* * *

If Erza's world hadn't fallen apart back when the strangers took her and Jellal, it did now.

Jellal was laughing, but not the laugh that Erza had grown to love. It sounded like pure evil (Erza wasn't quite sure what "pure evil" sounded like, but Jellal's laugh was close enough).

"Jellal! Jellal!" she cries.

The moment when Jellal stares at her is when Erza's world completely collapses. Jellal looks _cruel_; his kind eyes have turned dark. Erza hadn't realized the severity of the situation until now.

"Throw her out. I never want to see her again."

His voice is cold.

It hurts more than the guards' manhandling. It hurts more than being tossed outside, abandoned to fend for herself. It hurts more than knowing outside isn't safe, that outside there is war and pain and blood and tears—all things infinitely worse than being locked up in cells inside.

It might not hurt more than knowing that Jellal won't smile at Erza anymore.

* * *

"Why are you still here?" Carmine demands.

It's been almost a year, and still, Jellal shows no signs of leaving. To be honest, it aggravates Carmine. She hasn't had problems with "Erza" in years, but now she can't tell the difference between herself and "Erza." Maybe there wasn't even a difference in the first place—no, Carmine knows there was; it's just disappeared somewhere down the line. All because of Jellal. She hopes that when (if) Jellal leaves, she'll be able to separate "Erza" from herself. Carmine has a feeling it's not going to happen, not as long as Jellal's here.

"Would you be mad if I said it's because I want to be with you?"

"Do you think I'd be mad?"

Jellal doesn't look Carmine in the eye. His tone grows serious.

"Yes. You have every reason to be."

Carmine's answer of "then that's what I am" dies on her tongue. Instead, she says:

"It wasn't your fault. If anything, I should be mad at Nadal and all the others."

Jellal looks into her eyes, eyes widening. "You remember Nadal?"

Carmine grimaces at the memory. "Yes."

"How do you know him anyway?"

As she answers Jellal's question, Carmine wonders what made her comfort him.

Maybe it wasn't her. Maybe it was _Erza_.

Carmine doesn't know if that's a bad thing anymore.

* * *

It's true that outside, there is war, pain, blood, and tears; but it's also true that outside, there is love, compassion, friendship, and freedom. After months, maybe years, of wandering, Erza has friends who care (like Jellal once did). She has a reason to continue _living_, not just surviving (like Jellal once was for her).

Erza spends every day denying her hurt at Jellal's betrayal. She convinces herself that she doesn't mind.

Erza does her job so well that she's learned to separate her feelings from her logic.

Her friends call the new her "Carmine."

The first thing Carmine did was scare Erza's friends away.

* * *

Carmine misses the girl she once was. Or maybe it's Erza. She can't really tell the difference anymore. Either way, the nostalgic feeling following Erza—_Carmine_ everywhere is definitely Jellal's fault.

Throughout the day, he thinks out loud. He mentions Erza's mother, the dogs, the guards, the cells—anything that could possibly provoke Erza's memories.

Jellal fixes Erza with an intense stare.

She blushes and yells at him to stop looking at her.

Jellal seems surprised, but Erza can't imagine why.

It's the way she usually reacts.

* * *

Carmine finds her way to a small, out-of-the-way place.

Even after years of living there, it looks uninhabited. Or so her informant says.

The informant also mentions blurting her whereabouts to a mysterious man. Carmine dismisses the info. If he comes, she'll kill him.

At night, Carmine tucks her dagger under her pillow like she usually does. She blows out a candle and settles onto the stiff mattress.

Carmine waits for the mysterious stranger to arrive.

* * *

"Erza."

"What?"

Jellal grabs her chin and makes her look into his eyes.

"Do you forgive me?"

Erza looks away from Jellal. She doesn't know, but she knows that she really, really wants to. Jellal's betrayal happened too long ago for her to still be holding grudges anyway. Erza's eyes find Jellal's again, and she makes sure he can see she's telling the truth.

"I already have."

Jellal lets go of her chin. His gaze flickers to the table, where Erza's dagger is.

"Thank you, Erza."

"For what?" she asks because there isn't much for Jellal to thank her for.

Jellal faces her again, and Erza can see the pain and regret swirling in his dark eyes.

"For everything."

"You don't—"

Jellal closes the gap in between them and kisses Erza. His lips are soft, and the kiss is tender, loving. Erza blushes, frozen to her spot. Jellal moves away, and Erza feels the loss of contact. She reaches for his hand.

Squeezing her hand, Jellal says, "I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. If I—"

This time, Erza kisses Jellal.

"I've already forgiven you. Now, it's your turn to forgive yourself."

Jellal smiles. So does Erza.

* * *

**A/N:** If you want to ask questions (as this is fairly vague), PM me.


End file.
